literally had 100 drinks last night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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