if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
