Whod you bang
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
