watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
