OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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