I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
