I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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