jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize