Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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