I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I puked a lego.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
