We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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