Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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