I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
