Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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