Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
