I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
