My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
