Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
