i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
