For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
