She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
