Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
