I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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