It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
