Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
