I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
