Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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