I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
