Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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