so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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