so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
