i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
