Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
