"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
