I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
