He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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