It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
