i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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