Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
