At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
