i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
