They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize