Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
