My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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