Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
