I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
