My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
