How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
