He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
