Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
