Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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