So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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