Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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