I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
