i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
