He passed out mid-signature
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
