I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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