i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
