That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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