ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
