Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
