How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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