I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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