Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
