I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is wine microwaveable?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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