when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
