47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
COCAINE IS GR8
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
