they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
