Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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