he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
